…forever, Amber Tan!

You know you need some when……you are panting hopelessly after walking up three flights of stairs! That’s when you know you need some exercise. Yes, I must confess, ever since I went to KL, exercise has taken a back seat. And as much as my kind friends (and even kinder family) try to convince me otherwise, I KNOW IT SHOWS!

I used to run. Ok, I am lying. I used to jog. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that the great city that is KL is in any way inadequate in its gym and exercise facilities. It’s just me. I like exercising outdoors, it just feels more…”exercisey”. And jogging with the sound of rustling leaves and the wind blowing on your face is probably one of the greatest feelings you can get for free! But the problem with exercising outdoors in KL is the pollution. I just don’t think breathing in all that polluted air does my lungs any good! So I stopped and after some time I forgot about it.

Whatever – I know.

You see, I have come back to work in my hometown, Ipoh and officially started work last week. My room is on the third floor. My bosses are located on the first and second floors respectively. There are no lifts. And the chances of teleporting my way around the office is rather unprofessional, if not unlikely.

Above: Surely any normal and healthy 25 year old should be able to walk up three flights of stairs in her favorite high heels without passing out almost everytime? It’s a basic fashion right! (Jimmy Choo’s: Kim’s wedding shoes)

So struggling up the three flights of stairs has served as the biggest reminder of how SLACK I’ve been about my body! On my first day of work, I realized that I was in such a mess! How is it that I had allowed myself to transform into this unfit blob of a human being in the past 2 years?!! Surely any normal and healthy 25 year old should be able to walk up three flights of stairs in her favorite high heels without passing out almost everytime? It’s a basic fashion right! I did consider the options:-

a) Swap fav high heels for flats/slippers/ hiking boots
b) Get fit

Like, just the thought of slippers/flats to work is SO UNGLAM!!! So I know I have to start exercising again. But all that panting and having my life flash before my eyes also reminded me of the first time I tried jogging. The panting within three minutes, fear of lung collapse and paranoia of dislocating a hip are all too familiar feelings. I remember how difficult it was. I could have died. But I didn’t and bought a new pair of trainers instead! A few more pairs of new socks and running sweats later, I was IN LOVE!

Which can only mean one thing and one thing only – I CAN DO IT AGAIN! I didn’t die then, I probably won’t die now.

I will let you know if I successfully brave the tarmac next week. Do wish me luck. I think I should need more than just a new pair of trainers to get through this one this time around!

How about the Nike Sisters series?

Here are some tips for walking in heels. Chin up, stomach in, lift feet, walk tall, look good! Strut it, layydehhh!

 Written by Amber  Tan

I have to say something about this – Female Super Heroes / Villain characters. I watched GI Joe recently (which was overall quite entertaining). Everything was ok and normal up until they introduced the lead female character. It was just RIDICULOUS! In the midst of all the punching, dying and laser-ing, she steps out …perfectly styled. She has an amazing body, which of course, is totally understandable, seeing as she would have been exercising and working her butt off (literally!) in order to be this kick-ass character that she is supposed to be. She also has the tighter-than tight leather outfit, which is also perfectly understandable seeing as she needs to be aerodynamic to be flying and swooshing around in the way that all comic/cartoon characters do with her limbs killing one good guy or the other. I can even understand her uber-cool shades, which of course, in movie world, doubles as a laser screen to detect whatever the mere mortal’s naked eye cannot.

But what I don’t get is this – while she is busy in action, her very long and lustrous auburn hair is let loose, not tied up neatly in a bun or something. How does THAT work? I mean, surely all the effort spent on working out to get the perfect kick and all the money her Evil Boss spent on making that aerodynamic suit is gone down the drain with all the drag her hair is creating? Just think – our heroine is flying about in the air and all that time, her hair is slowing her down. Like, how can she achieve optimum speed to chase the good guys – who happen to be buff military men with crew cut hair – No drag! And imagine what would be the most unfortunate scenario – there she is killing away and the wind decides to blow. Her hair will most definitely stick to her face (and even more so if she is wearing lip gloss which I suspect she is anyway) and there you go – so much for the uber-cool shades!

I mean, I need to tie my hair very firmly in a ponytail when I go jogging – an activity that pales in comparison to killing 10 buff military men at the same time. I tie my hair when I want to cook – almost all the time standing still, drag not being much of an issue. I tie my hair when I sit in the car with the windows wound down in case the wind decides to blow against my favour and I do happen to be wearing lip gloss. I tie my hair when I’m swimming – for leisure, not the Olympics. I used to tie up my hair in a bun when I attended Ballet classes – something much less violent than GI Joe, I should think. All this tying so that I can do things a little faster and with minimum distraction.

But then again, I am no GI Joe or Jane or any comic super heroine, now am I?

 Written by Amber Tan

This is a new column by Kim’s bestie, aka Kim’s Maid of Honour. Amber Tan, a full-scholar and First Class Honours in Law in Kings College, UK, is currently practising in a prolific law firm in Kuala Lumpur. She will share her thoughts on life on a weekly basis. This will be her first entry.

Above: Make-up by Taisu, Maid of Honour outfit modified by Cherrie Lee.

ANTI-IMPERFECTION

by Amber Tan

It didn’t say “Anti-zit”. It didn’t say “Anti-wrinkle”. It said: “ANTI –IMPERFECTION”. Yup, it deserves repetition: “ANTI-IMPERFECTION”.

The new solution to any imperfections your face might be facing. I guess, logically, this should cover oily T-zones, blocked pores, enlarged pores, black heads, white heads, wrinkles, fine lines, spots, uneven skin tone, pigmentation, anything that you could think of as unwelcomed on (or should it be “in”?) your face. I think one might even be forgiven for thinking that it not only fights existing imperfections (whatever you may have), but that it also prevents imperfection from happening altogether.

Of course I bought it! And I used it religiously, everyday (and night), hoping that my (less than perfect) skin will soon become like those of skin care models.

Of course that didn’t happen! And I doubt it will actually happen. And I am sad and angry. Not because my skin is less than perfect or that the product didn’t work, mind you (of course the product doesn’t work, if any of them did, we’d all be wrinkle/ oily-T-zone/ zit-free by now, after having gone through all the other products we had allowed ourselves to buy in the past). I am sad and angry because I had allowed myself to buy it, to buy the promise it had made and to take its offer for a shot at perfection (well, skin perfection at least!). Which brings us to the topic of the week – Perfection.

I had realized, the moment I packed that bottle up and kept it in my drawer, that I had decided also to pack the notion of perfection in the same place – in my drawer. I thought to myself, “Who needs perfection?” Why can’t we cope with a few fine lines, a couple of zits every one or two days, or the slightest evidence that we had gone under the sun in our lifetime? For these are signs of life, no? Or have we become a society that does not tolerate imperfection? If one was to take consumerism and marketing a little more seriously, aren’t bottles of “Anti-Imperfection” obvious signs that the market NO LONGER ACCEPTS the IMPERFECT? It’s not good enough that you have zit free skin if you are a little too tanned. It’s not good enough if you have absolutely no wrinkles for as long as you have blocked pores. It’s not good enough even if you have a heart of gold and have ACNE (God, forbid!!!) To fit into the New World, you need to be PERFECT. Or the world will be anti you.

Scary, isn’t it? Not because it is going to be too much work trying to be perfect. But that it is simply, unattainable. Yet, this is the standard we have set for ourselves today. And the chase for perfection isn’t just skin deep. It has become our very quest. And every time we fail in our attempts to achieve perfection; we let ourselves down, which really defeats the purpose of this new quest.

So really, we should start telling ourselves that we don’t need to be perfect. Not because it is the easier way out, but because it is only realistic. It is insulting to the average person’s intelligence that perfection can be bought for under a hundred ringgit. But criminal to mislead one into believing that it is necessary. We can deal with a few white heads. We can still go out. No one is going to stare at us. All we need to do is to buy that perfect concealer.